Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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