i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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