I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
