She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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