OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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