so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
