some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
