This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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