just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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