i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
