they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
