Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love having hate sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
