we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
