He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
