i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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