I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
