pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
