I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
