there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
