I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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