They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
