nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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