hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
