One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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