Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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