I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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