Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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