Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
