could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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