No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow