The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
please come you make the beer taste better
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry