Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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