i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
