I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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