either way he was missing a nipple.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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