I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
