All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
