I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
