He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
