omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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