woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
