he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
