If i come over, it means nothing
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
