the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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