You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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