what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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