people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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