My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
