It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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