do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize