we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
