I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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