Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
