some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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