I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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