yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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