I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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