I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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