so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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