I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
