Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I did not marry a roomba.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
