just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
