Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize