wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
