Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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