she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
